-April 24, 2021. Updated April 25, 2025
HOW IT STARTED
1993
Though I fell in love with writing and photography — and had some comfort and enjoyment with public speaking — at a younger age than this photo, I don’t have images from that time. But this photo was taken at the time I was hired on at The Williston Pioneer newspaper. It was one of the proudest times of my 17 years of life so far.
Let me tell you about the girl in this image —
First of all, that reserved smile hides the amazing excitement that was bursting inside of me. I couldn’t believe someone was actually paying me to do what I loved to do.
The first time I met my new boss, she gave me a small (BUT HUGE TO ME!) freelance assignment. I was over the moon. I obsessed over every word I wrote and turned in. In the middle of so much darkness, there was light.
I had recently returned to Florida from a move to Delaware, in which my toddler son and I moved into a ratty old trailer by ourselves shortly before The Storm of the Century. I slept with a gun under my pillow, and on weekends, I drove three hours one way to visit my then-husband in prison. Prison visits were degrading and embarrassing. I kept it as much of a secret as I could in my small town because I already carried so much shame from my history there, from being very poor and then getting pregnant and married at 14, to being known as a high school dropout and still very poor.
Upon my return to Florida, I started to get my life back on track with getting my GED (guess who had to take math classes) and entering a work program. That’s how I met Skipper — this one time I used my voice to whisper what I really wanted and liked: writing. You might say it was being in the right place at the right time, and maybe…but I think it was divine.
I think it changed everything.
I remember writing to my then-husband and telling him about my writing job, and I remember exactly how it was not that big of a deal to him. Although now I think it was a very big deal — just not in the way it was to me. To him, I imagine this was not at all what he would like. This job afforded me a little more money, but more than that, it began to tell me a different story about myself.
Maybe I was smart.
Maybe I was allowed to have a dream.
Maybe I could make it without him.
Nothing changed in my heart or circumstances overnight, but change did begin. All because someone listened — the ladies at the job program — and someone — Skipper — said yes and gave this lost girl a chance.
{Photo by Skipper Hammond}
HOW IT’S GOING
2021
As a small girl, I wanted to be everything that is star-worthy and in the spotlight — a dancer, actress, model, and singer. I am none of those things now (I mean, I dance and sing all the time, but no one is paying me to be a pro at it).
Instead, I’m most often behind the scenes. I’m a quiet force, I’ve come to understand. Loudly quiet. I will step up for what I believe in and for others, but I tend to work in the background or offstage. I’m usually the woman behind other people, strong in my ability to help others develop and grow, helping them find harmony in their own journeys. Whether I’m advocating, coaching, photographing, or writing, it’s typically from behind the scenes. When you see me, it’s because I have something really important to say.
Let me tell you about the girl in this image —
For years, I’ve struggled with outside advice that says only do this or only do that. Advice that contradicts other advice, and advice that doesn’t create even a shred of harmony within my own soul. So the girl in this image is embracing all of who I am — the creator as a writer, as a photographer, as a speaker, and me as a thriving survivor of complex trauma. Not pictured, of course, is me as a wife, mother, and grandmother. (I think we’d just call that a family portrait. Ha!)
In this image, I am approximately 28 years older than the girl in the first image. Life changed breathlessly for the years that followed in that 17-year-old girl’s life, bringing with it two more babies, so many more moves and visits to prisons and jails, my own arrest at one point, and onward to my ex’s death. (You can read my book here!)
This girl in this image here, she is still healing but she is stronger and healthier than the younger version.
Millions of words have been written since those newspaper days, words that have never seen light, words that have been showcased on a stage, and words that are in progress, all to be heard and seen because I have something to say.
I still struggle at times, but then I remember that if a stranger could give me a chance, so can I. I won’t pretend it’s always easy. There are days when I’m sure everything I write, speak, or photograph is just bad bad bad, but then I try to give myself grace and remember that nothing needs to be perfect (or ever will be perfect), and like healing, my progress as a creator and helper is day by day, moment by moment. Some days it feels flawless, and some days I just need to rest.
The girl in this image feels beautiful in purple — and loves this purple dress a kind lady gifted me with after a speaking audition — and still enjoys wearing tiaras around the house as a reminder of strength and reclamation of self.
It’s going really well most days and I can’t wait to see where life takes me next!
{Photo by Me}
If you’re just joining me: I’m a survivor of complex trauma and am on my healing journey. I share openly and candidly of my experiences with child abuse, neglect, sexual assault, teen pregnancy (and teen marriage), domestic violence, and all the complicated living that comes with it, alongside the beauty that is life. This whole blog comes with a TRIGGER WARNING. Almost everything I share is pretty much stream of consciousness writing. I am not a doctor or counselor (but I am a trauma informed coach and advocate). What’s with the tiara? Watch This!
