I’m a person in longterm recovery from trauma and mental health, so part of my healing after working through so many layers is re-discovering who I am. I have been a mom since I was 14 years old, and before that I took care of my younger brothers and my mom. I have been taking care of others for almost my whole life. I think it’s safe to say that my identity is often wrapped around all my caretaking roles, so it’s also safe to say sometimes I have no idea who I am or what I want outside of that caretaking role.
Who am I outside of the work I do and the roles I play in my family?
What do I want?
If any of this sounds familiar to you — trying to figure out who you are and what you want at this point in your life — you’re not alone. As I explore this with myself, I am looking at ways to give myself more than leftovers and crumbs.
When I left my therapy appointment recently, I told my counselor I was planning to make art that week by painting something with some watercolors that were going to be delivered soon. I am in no way a skilled artist in this area.
“Most of my paintings are rainbows and sunshine and stars,” I said. “I paint like a five-year-old.”
We were literally at the door saying goodbye, and she said:
“Maybe you need to take time to be five for a while.”
When I tell you that I almost sobbed right there in the lobby with 15 strangers, I am not exaggerating.
I looked her in the eye, tears ready to spill, and nodded. “Maybe I do.”
Sabotage is one of the ways I hurt myself often. I will work on my dreams and then burn it all down. Success scares me. I have always been comfortable with failure, but success is a whole different animal. So when I taste success, I will find a way to ruin it. I am very aware, but not always great at stopping myself.
Sound familiar?
This month, I am committing to exploring what it means to be five, to look at my foundations and what I can rebuild MY way for my career and dreams and personal life, to not sabotage but rather to see what I can let go of to begin again from a healthier place.
I commit to showing up for myself, allowing my heart to sing, to paint like I’m five, and to choose time for me first, others second.
What about you?
If you’re seeking a strengths-based trauma-informed coach to help you recover and use your voice, tap into your creativity, and/or set next level goals, I’d love to have a conversation with you. Let’s set up a curiosity call to see how I can support you. More Information Coming Soon Here!
