I owe this woman an apology.
I have not been super kind to her for this performance. I have always offered her up with apologies instead of celebrating the courage it took to walk out on that stage and ask to be seen and heard — for me and for all survivors.
Seven years ago today I did this very big thing and then spent most of the time that followed apologizing for it in one way or another. What did those apologies look like?
“Can’t you see where I can’t breathe?”
“You don’t have to watch it.”
“I walked onto the stage way too fast!”
“Ugh, my posture is terrible. You can tell I was uncomfortable, right?”
“I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“I didn’t give it the time I needed so it’s not really good.”
Also —
*Not telling people about it.
*Not watching it myself for months and months.
*Pushing the conversation away when people found out about it.
*Not receiving compliments about it.
*Making self-deprecating jokes about it.
*Nitpicking everything that I could have done better.
But 2017 Me did a very hard thing. She stood up and spoke out and asked people to look at her and listen to her.
So I honor her today, 7 years later. I celebrate the courage it took to do this. I apologize for apologizing for her. And I share her with you again today to remind you — and ME! — that we should keep showing up, no matter how hard it can be sometimes, because we didn’t survive just to sit down and shut up. And we definitely didn’t survive to make ourselves small and apologize for being seen and heard.
