-2019
The truth is, I seriously overestimated my ability to hold down such a serious full-time job and continue to balance my life. I’m really, really good at my job, but I’ve been not so good at maintaining relationships, keeping up with commitments, and having creative time.
This isn’t a complaint or an apology. It’s just reality. So I’m adjusting again, reanalyzing my time, commitments, ideas, and goals. Life is ebb and flow, up and down, back and forth.
During these recent weeks of coming to terms with my inability to maintain life how I thought I could, letting some things go, and reaching out to those whom I do owe actual apologies, I’ve spent time reflecting. And my mantra/words for the year surfaced —
Warrior: Focused and Fierce
I’m looking at the non-negotiables and optionals in my life, and I’m allowing more space for who I am and what I need.
What I need most of all — and maybe what we all need to do — is to REALLY stop putting myself last. To no longer skip my personal health, development, enrichment, and love to just take care of others, feeding on the scraps of time and energy that happen to be left over.
It isn’t working anyway.
I am repeatedly run down, unable to sleep for the feelings of letting others down, and constantly apologizing (actual apologies that are necessary, not the unhealthy kind where one apologizes for breathing). More than once a day, I say that no one can advocate better for a person than herself. That applies to me too, as it turns out.
Again and again we learn we cannot pour from an empty cup. I am being intentionally focused and fierce about what I need — a warrior for self so I can keep being a warrior for others.
I will be a warrior for me first by being —
- focused and fierce for my health
- focused and fierce for my spirituality
- focused and fierce for my self-care and required downtime
- focused and fierce for my writing and creative needs
- focused and fierce for my passions
- focused and fierce for using my voice
Only then can I be —
- focused and fierce for my family
- focused and fierce for my friends
- focused and fierce for my job as an advocate
- focused and fierce for being a speaker
The better I take care of me, the better I can be a fiercely focused warrior for the people I love and the causes I believe in. I make this promise to myself today. And I invite you to make this promise to yourself.
Warrior – a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness
Focus – to concentrate
Fierce – furiously eager or intense
-Dictionary.com
I love this.
I really shouldn’t be surprised that once again we have the same focus. I have allowed myself to be pushed and pulled and then trying to give myself the leftover and it’s just not working. This past year found me tossed about or sinking in the waves of life rather than making determined choices, setting boundaries, and giving myself time to truly rest, be creative or simply take care of myself with wise choices. I also forgot that our battle truly isn’t flesh and blood…and I’ve allowed myself to be too tired/defeated to spiritually fight. Well, not anymore. I’m fighting spiritually as well as making some very important changes. My word this year is warrior and I’m keeping my eyes firmly on the One who gives me strength. If my eyes stray or I try to take back what I’ve given Him, I’ll figuratively and quite possibly literally give myself a smack and reset. 🙂