I’ve noticed that every time I get ready to start a new season or turn a corner, I begin with new self-portraits. It always feels like a reintroduction to myself from myself. Meeting me on this day in this new way as I look toward what I’m working on next.
The thing about doing portraits for myself is that it always works to draw me closer to being kind and loving to myself. There was a time when I hated being in pictures, when I hated my face, my body, my own soul.
At one point in my early years of advocacy AND photography, I learned many others felt uncomfortable or downright hated being in pictures too because they couldn’t see themselves the way their loved ones saw them. I realized that the only way I was going to be able to support others in this — to help them show up in pictures in their lives — would be to go first. I would have to work on my own issues and heal that part of me.
Now I see myself through the lens of grace and compassion.
I embrace who I am at 49 on the inside, which helps me embrace who I am on the outside more.
Imperfect. But loved.
Lines that cover my face, some fine, some etched deeply as the years roll by. A gift not afforded to everyone.
A body that changes with age as it carries me through, well, change. But it also carried three of my favorite humans.
I have chronic pain and a bad back. But I also have strong arms that hold on tightly.
I have a brain that is noisy and creative and always playing a soundtrack of random music, conversations, ideas, those memories that pop up randomly from 1988 and 1993 and 2001 and…, a never-ending memoir-in-progress, poetry, echolalia and popping sounds, random commercials, and confusion about the world and myself. It is beautiful.
I am equally strong and fragile, independent and desiring of being rescued at times, wounded and whole.
Life is such a beautifully hard journey, and never have I ever wanted so much to take care of myself even more because from the love I can give myself comes the love that flows from me.
Let me be light. But also let me receive light. I am open.
If you’re seeking a strengths-based trauma-informed coach to help you recover and use your voice, tap into your creativity, and/or set next level goals, I’d love to have a conversation with you. Let’s set up a curiosity call to see how I can support you. More Information Coming Soon Here!
