The same thing happens with my spiritual life. I talk with God, do for Him, seek Him, and then I get off track and forget all over again until a crisis comes along. “God help me,” I cry out as I clutch my chest and hope I’m not dying just yet. Panic and pain have a way of reminding you to reach up and reach out.
With the month of September comes change — an actual change of season. But not in at least 19 years has that ever been so true for me. Out of the blue, I received a job offer to work in a beautiful place, and I accepted, of course. In mid-September, I began working for Choices, Teller County’s Pregnancy Center, as the Lead Client Advocate in Woodland Park. I have volunteered there for years, but I really never imagined holding a staff position. And yet, beautiful things happen when you aren’t even looking.
The interesting thing about the timing is a story all its own (I will share it soon), but it also coincided with the same month I was photographing my last large wedding. Something old, something new…if you will. Closing the door on one thing, only to have another door open. There are things that are just beyond understanding sometimes.
But also in September, I attended my first Toastmasters meeting — and ending up joining. I told myself I’d shop around, find a group I felt was a good fit, and lo and behold, the very first group I chose was perfect. For a brief moment, I thought I had been attending meetings sooner than September, but that’s just a testament to how welcome and comfortable my new club made me feel, as if I have been there forever. My writing group had discussed immersing ourselves into a specific topic for each of us, and I knew I wanted to dive more into all the ways I can bring about awareness for abuse and violence beyond the web site, so one of the tasks I set for myself was to begin practicing speaking. I also knew that I needed a real action item, and that’s what led me to FINALLY trying Toastmasters. I’ve been having a blast ever since.
In September I also began a workshop with the wonderful Toni McLellan: Going Deep. While starting my new job and other issues kind of threw off the scheduling and intense writing I had intended to begin with, I’ve still been inspired and motivated and pushed to dive deep into my book.
All good things in so many ways, but also so much to balance at once. But as September came to an end, I began to find my footing a bit more and October is shaping up — balance-wise, anyway.
Sometimes a job application goes nowhere. Sometimes people don’t call you. Sometimes friends gather and don’t invite you. You’re not the one they feel like they can count on because you will just change your mind. Sometimes a person has built up a reputation for themselves that is less than flattering because they spent years fumbling through their own mess of the past, and sometimes they are finally ready, even though they are scared to death, even though doubt still plagues them, even though no one believes anymore.
Every day a woman wakes up and discovers how much of her life she has missed, whether because her head was stuck in the past, or her hands were too busy in the present. But she wakes up and discovers it’s time to live a life that is different than it ever was, more meaningful, more of what she always thought it would be like when she used to daydream while scanning groceries or changing diapers or grasping at all the wrong things.
There is still time to wake up. There is still time to move mountains. But time marches on and one day there will be no time left. Today is the day – right this very second – to wake up and be that woman who moves mountains. And maybe it starts with moving pebbles, but a pebble is a start all the same.