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My name is Angela Giles Klocke...
I've been a professional writer since 1993, when I landed my first job as a reporter when I was just 17. I've since had various articles and essays published across the Internet and in print magazines and newsletters. I am available to write for you, whether you're seeking Web site content or a regular column. Please review a full list of my writing and photography credits HERE.
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Thankfully, I have completed another semester of school. Now I just wait for the final grades. Otherwise, I have all this time on my hands. And by time, I mean I don’t have homework for a while (but it’s quite likely I’ll still study ahead), but that doesn’t mean I will be sitting here twiddling my thumbs. No, there is stuff to do, always. And holidays.
I have my spring semester all in place, and in between work and classes, I’ll be dancing. Ballet and belly dancing, to be exact.
People keep asking, “Why belly dancing? When in the world will you use that?” To which I reply, with a straight face, “When WON’T I use it?” Or, “I won’t ever use quadratic equations I learn in math, but I still have to learn them, so same thing!**”
The truth is, when I was a youngling, I very much wanted to be a dancer. Now, I have no intention of pursuing a career in dance, but I do want to dance. And I’ve been very afraid of it. Sure, at this very moment I’m gettin’ down with my bad self, shakin’ it to whatever is playing on the satellite music channel, but I’m by myself, all alone. No one can see me (except ninjas and the government, but they don’t count), and so there’s comfort in that. To take a dance class means I have to do more than stand there in front of my classmates. I have to dance!
As we’ve been approaching December (and here we are!) and certain memories of my life, the idea of dancing has been more and more on my mind. Finally I decided I just needed to do it, to dance. I’m in a really good place in my life. I don’t feel full of hurt or anger anymore. My worries are lighter and my heart is bigger, fuller. It’s the perfect time to dance.
When the question is to dance or not to dance, you should always choose to dance.
*But they totally are watching, so try not to fall over.
**Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you actually fell for that. I don’t even know what a quadratic equation is!
Posted by agk with 2 Comments
Do you know how you can be in a comfortable position reading or just relaxing on the couch, but then you move and suddenly you’re in pain because of the position that just moments ago felt so good? Isn’t that a lot like how life can be? You think things are comfortable and you are okay with it, but then you try to change, to move, and suddenly there’s pain. Doesn’t seem right, does it?
Two weeks ago, I was hopping along, thrilled to have landed a second job. (Let’s define “thrilled” in a moment.*) A week ago, I was excited to learn I could pretty much work full time at my first job now – I had been contracted outside of my work study position (my work study money had been depleted). By the weekend, I was conflicted.
I would. I wouldn’t. I would. I wouldn’t.
I weighed the two. I’m no math genius, but even I could calculate that if you have two jobs that pay the same but one is two minutes away while the other is closer to 25, it’s obvious the closer one is the right choice.
Right?
Wrong.
The other idea would be to keep working part time at the school and then go on to work at the second job part time.
Right?
Wrong.
You see, sometimes when you are comfortable and you try to make a move and readjust, it hurts. And what I think many people forget to calculate into the equation is quality of life. I could make more money by working both jobs, but when would I see my family? What would the point of the money be if I was never home long enough to even enjoy some of it? And if I took the second job, my schedule would no longer be flexible and I’d have to bypass being a full time student in the spring as well as a very important and limited class that I wanted to be a part of (literary magazine). (You must also remember that with my school job, I can do homework when things are slow. Not so at the new job.)
When you factor that in, suddenly the scales tip toward the school job more obviously. There is no longer a question of what is best.
And yet, until Tuesday morning, I was still a bit on the fence. My boss kept telling me I could have full-time hours, and I really love this job more than I could even begin to explain (and her!), and I said, “I just feel bad because I know it will upset the manager.” And saying that out loud, I caught myself. Really? Am I really more concerned for this corporation’s “feelings” than my own, than my family’s? Silly! That sealed it for me and I called and unaccepted the position.
No, the manager didn’t sound thrilled, but I felt much better. Now I knew I’d be home on Thanksgiving and Christmas and weekends for my family. Do I want to get on top of things financially? Of course. But not at the cost of my family. The kids grow way too fast, and they actually like me (ages 15 and 13 – and let’s even throw in the 19-year-old, who I would no longer be able to have our Friday nights with because I’d be working) and like to be around me. And really, school itself is the priority outside of my family. School is the journey toward not having to take J.O.B. work. I have to keep my eye on the ball!
And all this came down to impatience. Had I waited a few more days, I’d have never been in this predicament to begin with. Had I waited to get an answer that I was told surely would be, it would have worked out this way on its own without me interfering and trying AGAIN to be in total control. When will I ever learn?
Stay tuned!
*Thrilled – happy to know I wasn’t blackballed in this town. Happy to have someone want to hire me, though I’m sure if she sees my name again, she will laugh out loud. Happy to know that she almost didn’t want to hire me because I was way overqualified, which means eventually I’ll be qualified enough for the career I’m aiming for.
**Yes, I fell off the blogging every day wagon. Who’s surprised?
***And just GUESS how far behind I am on NaNoWriMo! No, let’s not even talk about it. Yes, I still believe I can make it. No, I didn’t take my meds today. Why do you ask?
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It was the end of a long day. I had just closed the office and was on my way out, making one last posting for an event the following day. I placed the notice on the sign-board and glanced over at the young man sitting at the table.
ME: So, did you drop the math class?
HIM: Uh, what?
ME: Math. Did you drop it?
HIM: What do you mean? I go to math every class!
ME: I never see you.
HIM: I don’t even know you!
I looked at him closer, even peering over the top of my glasses a bit like I was 99 years old.
HIM: I’m in algebra, 090.
ME: Oh.
HIM: I’m not who you think I am, am I?
ME: Sorry. I’m old.
I smiled and walked away quickly. Luckily, I still had on my nametag, so he knows exactly where I work and what my name is.
Posted by agk with 1 Comment
“If you have to tell people that you’re procrastinating, you’re simply not doing it right.” -AGK
The husband and I had a date planned for today in “The City.” (I use quotes because people think it’s funny when I refer to Colorado Springs as The City, or even funnier when I call it The Big City, so there you have it, from a small-town girl.) However, Colorado is the state where you must be flexible with your life, as I have learned. Maybe today you are going to school, or maybe not! Sometimes a snow “storm” blows in, covering everything in white, and then just as suddenly, it leaves and the sun comes out and the skies are blue and the snow melts. Colorado likes to live out loud!
So, we went sledding instead. Instead of our date, instead of me writing or doing homework or studying math. Just…instead.
Continued…
Posted by agk with 2 Comments
The trouble with getting my writing groove back is…the stories and ideas just keep coming. I know, that’s not really terrible.
Right now, I’m juggling my NaNoWriMo novel (which is back to being a YA book), a second book that was supposed to be just a short story (and might still be but doesn’t at this point wish to be), a longer short story (final project for class) and a shorter short story (also for class and due in a little over 48 hours), as well as my memoir in all its revision glory. Oh, and ideas for my brother’s book. And essay ideas. And! And! And!
Some of it is coming out and revealing itself, but most of it is stuck in my head, coursing through my blood and down to my fingertips, anxious to be perfect on the page, TO BE! But, it gets stuck. I find it difficult to write without self-editing and or correcting typos, and to not stare off into space for long periods of time.
Yet, the whole process is more fun for me than ever. Perhaps because I’m (mostly) writing for myself, perhaps because I have a small financial safety net (now two jobs) wherein my progress doesn’t have the pressure of feeding us hanging over its head. All I know is, I like it and I want to keep it, even if the stories don’t rush to be told as quickly as I might like (or NaNoWriMo calls for).
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I shall begin by stating for the record that I didn’t REALLY miss blogging yesterday. I wrote a placeholder where this blog used to reside, but because I didn’t re-import the entries, I lost that one (yes, okay, it still wasn’t a real entry, but that’s so not the point) and one comment.
I have spent the last couple of days (when I’ve had a bit of time at my desk) fiddling around and trying to streamline my whole site and all its extensions. I don’t do this to drive you crazy, truly. (I do, however, wind up driving myself crazy!) I just want everything to be easier to manage and find – for me and for you.
This time next week, it looks like I’ll be full swing into my second job. Yes, to a certain degree Miss Cashier will return. I’m just not sure yet how much. Or if it will even be public**. I might just horde everything to use for fiction. No clue. Right now, caffeine is doing the typing for me, so I can’t fully commit to anything on the screen.
Every time I’m about to start something new, I do this nesting thing that soon-to-be moms do. I run around like crazy with tons of energy trying to clean and organize and finish the BIG To Do list that’s been hanging over my head for a while and I get up early and I make more lists and I devise plans to make everything work and I panic a little and wonder what I was thinking and then sometimes I stop to insert commas into my life (and sometimes full stops!).
I imagine my family looks forward to this kind of behavior, especially since it often involves the always-fun family meetings, wherein I go into great detail to explain why I need their help, and then they agree, and then I still try to do everything myself anyway because that’s just the kind of lunatic mother/wife I am. (It’s not a bad reflection on them – it’s me.)
Anyway, anyway, anyway…something about ducks. In a row. For some reason, all I can think of to wrap this up is “Quack!” Think what you wish with that.
*I didn’t have any ducks to put in a row, so you’ll have to settle for cars. Same thing, right? (Cadillac Ranch, Texas – 2006)
**On this blog, I mean to say.
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I grew up hearing variations of “You’re not good enough.” (”You’ll never amount to anything.” “You’re too stupid.” “Who would want you?” etc…) I wish I could say I grew out of that, that one day I took control of my thoughts and stopped feeling inferior to the world. The truth is, I struggle with it every day. Only now, the voice is mine, a mere echo of what I always heard, but all the same…
I think it hit me again when I overheard a former classmate talking about me when I was only slightly around the corner. (Note to gossipers: You’re really bad at it if you can’t wait for the person to at least be out of earshot. Or maybe you simply don’t care.) We said hello in passing, and then as I stood around the corner posting flyers (part of my job), I heard her say, “She used to be in my psychology class. I guess there was too much hard work for her. She dropped out. I don’t mind hard work.”
Apparently, she needed a pat on the back, but what bothered me is that she assumed I dropped the class because the work was hard. She’d never asked me and I’d never told. But all I could hear in my head is, “She thinks I’m lazy. She thinks I’m stupid.” Even though I know that isn’t what happened, it really kicked me in the gut.
(I actually dropped the class because I’m not fond of teachers who are always late and/or cancel class without notice. I am also not a fan of teachers who can’t communicate or seem to understand simple communication. I am actually taking the class in the spring with a different teacher, a highly recommended teacher. One of the perks to working where I do is that students talk to me about who is good and who isn’t. I listen. It’s how I ended up with my awesome creative writing and math teachers. [extra credit, please!])
Some of the greatest people I know are always saying wonderful things to me, to tell me I’m talented or smart or whatever, and for just a minute, I believe them. But then the whispers begin again and it takes all my strength sometimes not to listen at all.
Truly, though, I know I AM good enough. I am smart and talented and kind and a good mom and wife and friend. I’ve decided from now on, every time something negative tries to enter my pretty little head – whether it’s my own voice or someone else’s – I will battle it with something good. I will cheer myself on the same way I cheer on others. I will believe in myself as much as I believe in you. I promise.
Posted by agk with 3 Comments
Tired, tired, tired. My novel is suffering (though I have no doubts I’ll finish), especially since I chopped it in half when I realized I had two different stories going on. (Sue me. My book. I do what I want!) The first part of the week is always crazier for me, so I play catch-up at the end.
So…hey, look! A pretty picture!
Posted by agk with 2 Comments
This?
Or this?
Sometimes, decisions are easy. Sometimes, not so much.
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
-David Russell
Here I stand, at a bridge.
Posted by agk with 2 Comments
…I’m tired.
…I have a headache.
…I’m busy writing.
…It’s Sunday.
…I would like to have this.
…I thought you would, too.
…We can wish together.
Posted by agk with 4 Comments
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