(Hark! Two blog posts in one day!)
Okay, here we go. I decided to start my Morning Pages again today. Well, I decided yesterday to start them yesterday, but as happens so often, I got busy preparing for other things and forgot. But I want to write a lot again. I want to write here on my site like I used to. I love to share photos, but I also love to share words, my thoughts, my feelings, my nothingness and everythingness, for anyone who cares to read. But mostly for me, to write, to warm up, to purge my pains and rejoice in my happy times, to encourage or motivate or inspire or just plain make you laugh. Whatever happens.
So – Morning Pages. For anyone not familiar, check out The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Basically, you handwrite three pages every morning. Morning. Pages. There ya go. You write without thinking, without stopping to correct yourself, without censoring. (At least, that’s how I remember it. I sent my first copy away to my lovely sister Kelly, who better have at least cracked the cover or else. *punches fist into other hand* I recently picked up a second copy at Goodwill, so yay to that, but I have yet to begin again. Still, the MPs kind of stick with ya.) I’m changing the way I do it now, though. I want to type them, share them, etc. because if I’m going to find and reclaim how I used to write in public, this is the way in. I’ll attempt, then, to write for 10 minutes (and yes, I know I’ve planned this before but I’ve changed! Honest. Seriously. Believe me!) without stopping, without correcting myself (especially my typing, since I’ve decided to keep my nails long for the time being, but it totally messes me up when I type — okay, apparently I don’t know how not to use my backspace key [or rather, the delete key now] because it’s just automatic, so I guess I WILL be correcting myself as I go — along with talking in parentheses and brackets, because that’s how I roll, yo), and whatever else I was going to say before I trailed off again…
Now you have all of this and I have yet to say anything of substance.
Anyway, so life, it has been sucketh lately. I mean, in the last couple of days it has gotten better, sure, but before that, it was ugly. There’s been so much drama that I won’t be able to bring to the page right now because it doesn’t belong only to me — suffice it to say, it was, and continues to be, a little hard to deal with, but we will get through (marriage and kidlings are fine). The husband and I have discussed how we have complained so often and loudly about our vacation that didn’t happen or other silly problems because, well, it’s what we can talk about. So, on the surface we seem a little petty, sweating the small stuff, but the truth is, we can’t talk about the big stuff and we have to let out the frustrations and such somehow. If you’ve been the victim of one of our petty rants, we apologize. Just know there have been things much deeper that were really bothering us.
Of course, the big one that we can talk about was the loss of our beloved yellow lab, Candi. We have cried and gone through stages of anger (and that too has manifested itself in ugly ways — yelling at other drivers, being impatient, etc.) and acceptance, and then we’ve returned to crying. It’s hard to lose someone you love (yes, I said someone). I think what caught me off guard even more was how deeply I loved her in such a short time. But Candi was just that sort of dog.
Making the decision to let her go, to not let her wait out her bone tumor (no, you’re right, I haven’t really said here what happened, so it’s coming) on medication, was really hard. I wanted to keep her and not let go, and I almost turned around at the last minute and said “NO! You can’t have her. She is too good and too sweet and too funny and too playful and too MINE, and you can’t take her.” Of course, I was talking to God there, angry, sad, confused. It never makes sense when bad things happen to good people or animals or places or whatever. But I do know there is a plan – I just don’t know what it is.
My blog writing time is up.
(Look at me being all studious and following my own rules. Go me! Oh, but it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t include some pictures, especially since I have 9-billion to process and share.)
Hanging out behind my house, a whole flock of ‘em –
Great shot! Happy WW!
To follow a self-hosted WordPress blog, I guess you just have to subscribe to the RSS feed, found at the top of the page, under the banner picture. There really isn’t – that I’ve seen – an option like Blogger.
I miss her like crazy.
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