Today, I ran. I ran a little yesterday too, but today felt like the first real run.
(You didn’t know this turned into a walking/running blog, did you?)
I felt glorious (with a side of nausea), the wind whipping through my hair. I could feel the color in my cheeks, the vibrance of energy and accomplishment all over my face!
Yeah, what I thought I looked like when I run is much more glamorous than what I actually look like, but still, that’s a face of pushing myself past the point of quitting, and sometimes hard work just isn’t pretty.
Several friends who are in on the know of other details of my life ask me, “Should you be walking and running like that?” I say yes. Though my imagination is certainly in top working condition and has come up with one plausible diagnosis after another (anything from brain tumor to black death, don’tcha know!), I’m really carving out these daily walking/running tracks in faith. Faith that when I hear from the doctor’s office, it’ll be a silly little thing, no worries at all. Faith that everything will be all right.
“The surest way to escape anxiety and defeat despair is action. Do, don’t dwell.” -Michael Josephson
One friend suggested I wait until I know what’s wrong before I push my body. I’ve spent my whole life waiting — waiting to feel better, waiting for news, waiting for a yes, waiting for a no, waiting and waiting and waiting. I’m tired of waiting, hoping that life can just change because I sat patiently. Life waits for no one, and it’s certainly never hit the pause button for me.
In the years I’ve waited for the right timing, I could have earned college degrees, grown my business, written several books, gone on trips, had coffee with new friends, spoken all over the country, and on and on. This is not written with a regretful tone but rather with enthusiasm for seizing the moment right here and now. For not waiting for more doctors to scratch their heads and send me for new tests. Not saying no to an offer to write because I don’t think I’m ready. Or sitting on my butt when I really want to soar.
“Action is taking the first step. Action is climbing the hill. Action combined with desire, harmonious intent, and undoubting yesfulness is invincible. Hallelujah!” -Terri Guillemets
I’m just taking steps forward instead of sitting idle. I’m asking for what’s next, and then I’m stepping out to see. There are obstacles and bad days and moments of inaction, but I’ve also found that with a history of being very persuasive in talking myself out of pushing forward, it turns out I am also very persuasive in talking myself into pursuing the excellence of God…and me. There is much more to gain from every moment when I say yes and run with it.