Release

“Today I cried. It’s been a very long time since I cried real tears. I cried because I talked about not being able to cry, and God is just right on time like that. I cried because I need to feel the pains that I have had and that I still have. I cried because the walls are coming down, and I cried because I want to fully feel everything in life. I cried because I’m tired of not feeling genuine when others are in pain, and I cried because I’ve been so afraid of seeming weak. The tears came and I welcomed their cleansing power to help me heal. I sniffled my way through grocery shopping, and I fell to my knees in prayer when I got word that a friend had miscarried. I cried because I was angry all the sudden that, oh sure, NOW I can cry and I won’t be as strong as I need to be for my friend, and then I cried because I heard the words ‘For such a time as this’ and I realized again how right on time God always is. And finally, I cried after I received hugs from a friend because I didn’t seclude myself and hide away, and I didn’t stuff it all down. I cried for the perspective, for the reminder that I have survived and I will keep surviving, and one day I will fully thrive in this beautiful life God has blessed me with. Then I felt release. I felt layers of pain shrug off my weary shoulders. And then I smiled.”
-Journal Entry, May 15, 2012