Every day, we are assaulted with the noise of a busy, busy world. In the middle of the noise, when we’re occupied with the nonsense, real life happens. Tragedy happens. Maybe it’s from afar and you catch it on the news. Maybe it’s the next town over. Maybe it’s your friend’s child. It happens like a punch in the gut.
Oh sure, in the middle of tragedy, there are platitudes and miracles, even, but there is also rage, anger, pain. WHY? Why them? Why now? Why her?
My heart aches for the pains in this world – in MY world. The left and right sucker punches make me scream at the sky: “OK! I freakin’ get it. Reality check CHECKED! Done. STOP!” My stomach rolls and threatens to betray me, and my legs tremble with despair. I want to know why. I want to pound my fists into the earth and shake them toward heaven and rage against God, against the angels, against everything.
And then the phone rings with news of the arrival of a new baby. Then again with news of my son getting his dream job after almost a year of processes and waiting and praying.
I feel my fists unclench and my shoulders give up their stand against the unfairness of it all. Because in the middle of the noise, there is celebration, there is joy. And sometimes it feels so out of time, so out of tune, and yet I know…I know it’s all in God’s time.
Why do we never ask why the baby was born healthy, even though he’s a month early? Why do we not ask why my son got this amazing job, even though it’s his first attempt? We don’t ask when the going is good. Why us, Lord? Why the goodness?
No, we ask when we’re mad, when we’re raging, when our hearts can’t possibly ache any more than they already are.
We ask when we’re covered in the ashes left over from a friend’s home, the stench of loss over our whole selves. Yet, in the middle of the soot and sadness, laughter rings out, friends poking fun of each other, a small celebration of sisterhood slap in the center of destruction.
This life is a ride full of ups and downs, heartache and love, pain and laughter. In one week, I experienced more highs and lows than I care to list, and yet I hang on, hopeful, ready for whatever is next. I rage against God sometimes for all that I don’t understand, but I also fall into His grace and mercy, His arms ready to catch me every time.
Thank you, Father, for all the good, and please give me (and them) peace about all that I don’t understand. Most of all, thank you for always bringing me an UP after the DOWN. You are a mighty, wonderful Abba.
“Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” -Mark 14:36